Hate. Indifference.Detachment. ---- I''m still in the hate stage.

FUCK HARVEY. Grabe mare, it just hit me.... Yes I am in love with Mikee. I am so in love with him. And yes I am hurt. Super duper hurt. I can't stop thinking about him. I want to start hating him, because I should hate him for hurting me this bad. I waited for 5 months just to get my heart broken and it hurts so bad. I don't even know why I loved him. He's a college drop-out and he's full of shit. But I have no one to blame but myself. I allowed myself to fall in love with him. my virgin-spiel, the getting-to-know-dramatics, the conversations of dreamers and stupid idealists we had were all signs that I was doomed to get my heart broken. ANd why did I do it?! Because I wanted to hope. I wanted to fall in love and feel alive. We do stupid things in life, but what the heck! What's would living be like without all the stupid things that we do. I'm so desperate right now Harvey. I'm so desperate to let go and just to move on, from Alex and from Mikee.. and from everything.

Life should just suck a dick. Life just sucks. It does Harvey. It really does. I hate that I'm hurting this badly. It hurts so much Harvs. I know na kaya ko siya and I'll get over it soon. But it just hurts right now. I want to scream to everybody here at the office of Crown Asia and tell them "YEAH. I did fall in love with Mikee and he screwed me over BIGTIME. So what?!?" He could just die and go to hell. He could just burn in hell. I curse him.. I wanna curse him and put an evil spell on him that his dick would just fall off! God Harvs. Love makes you do stupid things. I was willing to just have this long distance shit for years and years when it's not what I want. I said before that I was prepared to be like my mother. But I don't wanna be like my mother. She's miserable because my dad cheats on her constantly. i don't wanna be that. I deserve so much more. And why do I even like him?! He's tied to his dad and super dependent. He's the most immature 30-year-old guy I've ever met. I should've just bailed months ago. Saved my dignity and pride. It just hurts so bad that he's happy right now HARVS. I'm not sure that he is, but it looks like it. It hurts so bad that he's moved on from me without even saying a single word. Why couldn't he just say goodbye harvs?! Is it that difficult?! "I've met somebody else I'm sorry. Goodbye." I can do that. You can do that too right?!? Oh my gosh harvs. I feel retarded. I'm bursting into tears here I look ridiculous. I'm going out for a smoke... I wish you were around me..